He
makes a satirical write up this time around describing how the Yoruba
women of Western Nigeria are so endowed with the biggest butts in Africa
and why any man who is lucky to have a woman like that she count
himself lucky.
Read what he wrote here:
"I know the hidden agenda of
Kim Kardashian
, Nikki Minaj and Jennifer Lopez. Yes, I know.
These ladies are jealous of Mercy Johnson, Yvonne Okoro and one of my female relatives in the village.
Na today real Black women don dey get Big Yansh? Why the sudden obsession with Kim Kardashian’s butt by the Western World? Ehn?
And the
funny
thing is, oyinbo women are now getting butt transplants while those who
can’t afford it are using butt pads, or Yansh Pads as we term it here
sometimes.
Now, this is the humour when
it comes to Nigerian and perhaps African women. When God made the
African woman, he might have taken an extra rib from Adam to bless the
African women in most parts of the continent. That is why South African
women have….(*speechless)
Narrowing it
down to Nigeria and the ethnic groups, it is debatable but research has
shown that Yoruba ladies just might have the biggest butts in Nigeria. I
am
likely to concur with this because ever since I was born and all the
years I was growing up, the only images of Yoruba women I could remember
from the black and white music clips of those days and Owambe Parties,
were images of some bad ass conservative butt shaking which never got
one’s parents incensed enough to switch off the television lest we got
‘spoilt’ but would sooner ask us to close our eyes when images of
oyinbos kissing came on the screen.
In
fact, when I first watched a clip of Fela Kuti’s stage performance in
1977 or 1978 on NTV ( as it was called then), it wasn’t the ‘shakara,
shakara’ chorus he was singing which caught my fancy. It was the
unbridled butt shaking of his dancing girls which tormented my poor,
young innocent soul for years.
Then,
Charly Boy came in 1987, with his outrageous music video, ‘Big Bottom’
and not even the morally-correct NTA could ban it off the airwaves then
even with the tempting close-ups of women with Big Yanshes in that
video.
Then one lady singer called Uche
Ibeto released a video titled ‘Jigida’ where she did some provocative
butt shaking as she screamed in a simulated moan ‘ligiligi, ligiligi,
sha, sha, sha!' And no one banned that video then because it ‘projected
an African dance’.
Back to the meat of my
story; today’s fashion is a conspiracy to ensure that Butt-om Power
will keep on ruling. Everything with women’s fashion seems to bring out
the shape of their butts these days. And the Kim Ks and Nikki Minajs are
there to help you out, if you have any doubts.
Sadly,
in Nigeria, I am told that Butt Pads for ladies are in high demand in
the market. Why? Because many young ladies want to have butts like Kim
Kardashian.
I need to ask why an African
lady would want to put on artificial pads on what has naturally been
padded from heaven. Because of Kim?
Fela Kuti did sing that the African People’s problems start from the back. ‘Na from BACK yioooooo’.
Don’t
get me wrong. I appreciate butt. Good butt. And for those who got it
among the ladies, thank God for ‘butt’ering your bread. But when butts
are being used now as weapons of distraction, Houston, we have a
problem!
Why did I write this satire
today? Two days ago, at Garki 2, a young lady with well-formed hips came
out of a building and stood by the road to flag down a taxi. I tell
you, Kim K has nothing on this woman’s butt and I wasn’t looking at her
o. I was humming Tisha Cobbs ‘Break Every Chain’ when I saw her. The
next thing I knew, an SUV rammed me from behind. Gbosa!
A
well-dressed young man came out and apologised profusely as I looked at
my dented rear bumper. Whilst apologising, he kept glancing at the
young lady a few metres away.
‘Mr Man!’ I
said, ‘before Yansh will kill you, go and meet that girl and take her
contacts so that you will know that the bills you will pay for fixing my
dent will be worth it!’
The Guy nor slack. He went to the Lady and a couple of minutes later, they both walked back to his SUV.
I
don’t care to know what went down with him and the endowed lass but all
I know is that I have a new rear bumper at his expense which was fixed
yesterday.
Obviously that kind of person
would not care to pay for bumpers. What with the way he rammed my car
from behind, it doesn’t take much imagination to visualise the other
types of ramming he loves doing behind closed doors."
Do you agree with him?
